Saturn's Ramblings

So I was sitting on the couch this evening and it suddenly hits me that it's a lot of fun to blow through a straw at the cat. He's just really strange when I do this (learned by accident years ago)...

So I thought I'd take some video of it... It's amusing, anyhow.. 2 minutes long. There's sound, but it's not important...

He didn't quite react the way he usually does (maybe more videos will follow)... Usually he slashes at it then kinda rolls into a ball and writhes around a lot, as though he just doesn't know what to do about this air jet, but it's damn well got him uncomfortable.

Only snag to this fun is, you gotta make sure you have a really long tube... or he'll take your face off...

Anyhow.. Click the link to view the vid.. or download it, or whatever:

http://saturn.titanblogs.com/links/Cat_Blowing_[2006-Nov-03_at_2330].wmv (11.7 megs)

Dunno where this came from originally, but it recently crossed my email inbox...

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on each side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat gently in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, pick up and throw soggy pill away.
   Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for count of ten.
4. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in from garden.
5. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into cat's mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
6. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill out of foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep up shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set on one side for gluing later.
7. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with a pencil and blow into drinking straw.
8. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
9. Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door just enough so that head is showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with plastic band.
10. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw t-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
11. Call fire department to retrieve cat from tree across road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
12. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by a large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
13. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearms and removes pill from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home and order new dining table.
14. Arrange for ASPCA to collect cat and contact local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

I didn't write this, but I wish I had -- it describes our little hellions almost too well............ (I dunno who the real author is)
___________

Dear Dog(s) & Cat(s):

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate does not stake a claim for it becoming your food, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years--canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
_____________

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted child who is short, hairy, walks on all fours, and doesn't speak clearly.

5. Remember: Dogs and cats are sometimes better than kids because they: eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, they don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell their children!!!

I didn;t write these because I'm not creatively inclined that way. Nevertheless, here are some wonderfully funny Cat Haiku poems that have floated into my possession. I do not know who wrote them.

moo!

Friday was one of my days off this past week, and I'm sorry to report that I spent much of it simply following Max (the big one) around with a roll of paper towels (Bounty!) in one hand, and a spray bottle of Prosolve carpet cleaning spray in the other.

Now I've established in previous entries that Max especially seems ... well, driven is a good word for it ... to sampling anything and everything (new, old, fresh, or long-rancid) that he finds on the floor, balcony, bathroom, and frankly anywhere else that he can locate some object that will fit in his mouth. It's like having a goat living in the apartment, except that he doesn't eat paper (he DOES however love to lay on paper when wet... *sigh*) or tin cans... but man, that's about the limit....

So he roams about, sniffing around for tidbits of lint, dust, the occasional ancient jawbreaker that rolled behind the couch months ago, etc... Yell at him to drop it, stop eating that, etc, and he instead just chews a little faster, no matter how obviously disgusting the item may be. I have lost count the number of times the following has happened (but it's well over 100 by now, no exaggeration!):

Max: Hmm what's this?
Me: *Spots Max eyeing up a dust ball, about the size of an almond*
Me: *warning tone of voice* Maaaax....
Max: I hear you and I ignore you. *sniffs at dust ball and gives tentative lick*
Me: Max, no! *sharper this time*
Max: *Mentally thumbs nose at me* Better get this down quick... *slurps up the ball*
Me: Max! *angry sounding now* No!
Max: Oh my god this is horrible.. it's all dry and linty! Ohhh shit! He's coming over here... *tries to chew faster, but it's so dry and dusty, he just keeps smacking lips*
Me: *rushes over and tries to get him to spit it out* Bad Max!
Max: Must.. finish.. thing.. from.. floor... *chewing motions speed up*
Me: Come on, spit it out! You're just gonna puke later... *tries to reach for his mouth to pry it open and yank lint out*
Max: Almost... *two BIG gulps and it's down* Got it!
Me: Bad boy! You know you're gonna puke now... *heads to cupboard for the Prosolve and paper towels and prepares to wait*
Max: *runs and hides somewhere that will be a real bitch to clean when he DOES puke*
Me: *sigh*

Well, Friday morning I managed to just miss stepping in cat puke on my way around the bed, heading for the bathroom. Cursing softly to myself, I do my thing and detour to the cupboard for the Prosolve and paper towels (I use Bounty cause they're strong enough not to rip when scrubbing puke on carpet)...

On my way, I spot 2 more lovely yellow-brown chunky deposits throughout the hallway. Taking a mental note, I do a tour of the whole apartment to see if there are any others hiding around...

Finding no further deposits for the moment, I proceed to the one in the bedroom and start wiping and spraying. As I'm workign on the third spot, I'm struck (yet again) with the fact that cats (well mine anyhow) seem to utterly refuse to move to linoleum or other smooth (easy-to-clean) surfaces... For some reason, they will beeline for carpet -- and not a mat, either; has to be the wall-to-wall installed carpet that's expensive and difficult to replace. And because we had cheap landlords when it was installed, it's CHEAP carpet, meaning it soaks up the puke stain (yes, that glorious yellowish tint) pretty much on contact. And if the cat is on the lino when the mood strikes him, he will move onto the carpet before releasing his stores... I have yet to work out why that is -- maybe the soft carpeting is comforting on his little feet. Maybe he doesn't want to mess up the lino. Who knows?

Anyhow... As I'm finishing up the last pile, I hear the unmistakable sound that is associated with kitty regurgitation. Most cats, that would mean "hairball" -- with Max, 9 times out of 10 it's puke. As the sound echos down the hall from my present position, I sigh to myself, quickly finish up the spot, and follow the horking noise...

...to find him spewing up, with his body 3/4 inside the bathroom (lino!) and head and shoulders stickign out into the hallway (carpet!), and actively puking up onto the one 4"x4" patch of carpet that is NOT covered by a mat in that area. *Sigh* ... So, while shoving him backward into the bathroom (because he's looking like there's more to come), I get to work on the new spot...

This repeats a few times throughout the morning.. All in all, 6 separate incidents, involving no less than about 13 piles to clean. Yup, what a great morning!

Started slowing down when I realized he was just plain nautious, and would keep gorging himself on dry cat food, then puke about 10 minutes later. Max would eat so much, it'd make him sick. When I took the dry food away and gave him a TINY amoutn of wet food after one puke-fest, he seemed to be a lot better -- and didn't puke any more for the day. Yay.

I think I'm gonna have to invest in a steam cleaner before long... And shares in Prosolve and Bounty.

OK as many know, there's a couple main reason I love my job -- one reason is the money, of course. Where else do they pay you this much to sit on your ass all day and direct callers, while being allowed to play a GameBoy, surf the web, do email, etc...? The other reason?

The other reason is that I've developed a system amongst my PCs at home wher I can remotely access and control them -- this means I can build websites, check email, surf the web, chat, etc, all from my HOME pc, thus leaving no tracks on work computers for anyone to use later as an excuse to get me in trouble -- in other words, everything happens at HOME, so, while I don't, I could surf even porn or maybe file sharing sites at work without anyone seeing any web histories, etc.

My remote connection uses encryption, so all the techies at work would be able to see is that there is a connection going out through a certain port (no, I'm not stupid enough to say WHAT port on a weblog, sorry), and that a (minimal) amount of data is flowing back and forth. Beyond that, they have no way to determine just WHAT data is flying around, apart from actually looking at my screen WHILE I'm connected... All in all, my privacy is pretty damn secure.

That is, when the damn thing works.

So here's where it all breaks down: My software is pretty versatile. It's not "realtime" fast, but it's quick... Quick enough for most thinsg anyhow -- However, it does NOT like certain programs that I use at home, like NeroVision Xpress (DVD authoring program), and almost anything that involves editing/playback of video... Most of these programs cause it to either slow down tremendously, or halt the remote control software altogether, or (in the case of NeroVision and a couple of DVD player programs) causes the whole machine to come to a grinding halt until those programs are manually terminated through the Task Manager (ctrl-alt-del)...

Now, the remote access software (RAS) is normally capable of sending the ctrl-alt-del keystroke to the computer, in order to launch said task manager -- but these programs that interfere with the RAS of course wind up "paralyzing" the RAS itself (along with the machine) and so ctrl-alt-del cannot be sent. Actually, usually the RAS stops communicating with me at work entirely, and so I can't even re-connect to it to issue the interrupt.

OK so now you're probably askign yourself why I don't just AVOID using those programs while at work? Well, simply put: I do. Unfortunately, in the occasional workign frenzy, I find myself accidentally clicking on a file that is associated with said software, which in turn loads that program. Usually this happens due to the RAS's lag (response delay), so I THINK I'm clicking on one icon, when in fact it just hasn't yet updated the screen, and I wind up clciking on the one next to it.

The other way stems from my being slightly distracted while clicking something... In Nero 6 (CD burning software), there is a button on the tool bar to start the CD Burning process, and one that launches NeroVision Xpress (sound familiar?)... The PROBLEM is, the icons for these two functions BOTH look like a CD on fire. Styled a bit differently, I admit, but close enough for one to be easily mistaken for the other, especially when you forget (in a hurry) that there are in fact 2 icons... Instead you tend to just click on the first burning disk you see, which unfortunately is the one that launches NeroVision... Of course, one could hover the mouse over the buttons for the pop-up quick-text description -- except that it doesn't usually show up when using the RAS!

And there we have it. Now I'm screwed until either I get home to correct it, or Holly does.

Of course, under Murphy's Law, this means that these incidents happen usually near the start of my shift at work, making me have to wait the maximum possible time for someone to be home to fix it for me.

This rant is brought on by the fact that it has now managed to occur for 3 days in a row... Has a way of making a person feel a bit screwy in the head =)

As you might have guessed, I am at work right now, updating my Blog through the internet here, rather than via remote -- why? Cause the damn thing is halted again. Yeesh, and I thought you were paying attention! =P

OK so that was the rant. Granted it may sound light, as far as rants go, but I tell ya... It's enough to make me wanna reach trhough the internet and bitch-slap my PC into next year...

Maybe it's time to start training the cats how to push the Reset button on the PC... Maybe have em do it when a certain sound is played on a computer at home -- Usually when one PC dies, I can still access one of the others...

I can just see it now.. choosing some obscure sound effect and assuming I can capture Alexis' attention longer than 3 seconds, and can entice Max's fat ass out of "fuzzy slug" position (read: get him off his fat ass), and actually TRAIN them to respond correctly, I can just see the sound effect being randomly and accidentally played through some system quirk...

PC: *sound effect plays*
Alexis: (Drooling, cause hey, if I can get her to learn THIS, she's SO gonna be a tribute to Pavlov) OhMyGodOhMyGodOhMyGodOhMyGodOhMyGodOhMyGod.... *runs in circles*
Max: (Drooling, cause... well hell, he does it anyhow) *backhands Alexis* Shut UP. *sighs* Do I have to do EVERYTHING myself? *sighs again*
Max: *slides off the chair he was previously sleeping in and waddles over to the computer room*
Alexis: *picks herself up and swipes a paw at Max from behind, just to get a rise otu of him. The sound has been compleetly forgotten*
Me: *getting impatient at work, waiting for the computer to be reset*
PC: *sound effect plays... again*
Alexis: (Renewed drooling) OhMyGodOhMyGodOhMyGodOhMyGodOhMyGodOhMyGod.... *runs in circles*
Max: Shut UP, will you?! I am SO gonna come over th... aw screw it. *flops down, in the doorway to the computer room*
Alexis: *rushes at Max and uses him as a hurdle a few times, running in and out of the room aimlessly*
...time passes...
Me: *further impatience, begins cursing cats, muteering "useless" and "waste of space" under breath*
Coworkers: *give me odd looks, then edge slightly farther away*
PC: *sound effect plays... yet again*
Alexis: (Re-renewed drooling) OhMyGodOhMyGodOhMyGodOhMyGodOhMyGodOhMyGod.... *runs in circles*
Max: Oh for the love of... FINE I'm COMING! *hisses at computer, gets up and waddles up to chair*
Max: *reaches across to desk, flicks out a claw, and presses the reset button, as trained*
Max: *looks around expectantly for the treats he always got during training*
Alexis: *loosk for treats, too, since Max is...*
Max: *finding no treats, mutters to self* Last time I do THAT...
Max: *hisses at computer again, jumps off desk, flops to floor and goes to sleep*
Alexis: *uses litter box even though she just used it 15 minutes ago* (she uses it more often that I suspect is natural)
Me: Goddamn, that PC STILL hasn't reset!
Me: Oh great, now the WORKING PC is rebooting..... *bangs head on desk in utter surrender*

That's pretty much how I see it happening.....

The changing of the litter -- pardon me: The Changing Of The Litter (much more appropriate) is of course a constant pain in the ass in our household.

We have this glorious automatic litter box thingy. A LitterMaid thing... (see link for pic and info - Ours has a ramp on the front with some carpet on it... its a couple years old so I guess the models changed some). It has a sensor in it that triggers a giant rake 10 minutes after the cat is "finished" in there. It runs the rake toward the "entrance" end, and in the process lifts the recepticle lid and then drags the ... waste ... and dumps it into the containwer. Then it rakes back and closes the lid, finally parking the rake thing back at the far end, ready for another go. Really snazzy. You only need to ensure that it's always topped yup with litter in the main box, and empty the recepticle once every 4 or 5 days when it gets full.

As long as the litter is kept full, and the receptible is emptied when it's full, there's very little odour and the cats always seem to have a "fresh" litter box to use. And we all know that, no matter how disgusting they are everywhere else (licking asses, feet, carpet, legs, backs, ears (inside AND out), noses, crotches, tummies, random garbage, dirty dishes, table legs, couches, scratching posts, 6-year-old-never-been-washed chew toys, the occasional dead plant, the tub, the toilet, the dirty OR clean bathroom floor --- not to mention EATING lint, trash, twist-ties, dust bunnies, hair, vomit (their own or each others'), grass, mouse parts from fake mice, string, yarn, plants (dead or alive), 2-day-old kernels of dried up cat food (promptly vomited up in the middle of the night), and anything else that doesn't move and will even slightly fit in their mouth... and if you yell at them to STOP! they will of course just down it faster, regardless how bad it tastes. Hey, they can ALWAYS puke it up later!)

Whew! Now where was I? Ah yes... And we all know that, no matter how disgusting they are everywhere else, a cat MUST have a clean and tidy litter box to shit in. Yup that's right. They'll sniff, lick, rub on, roll in, or eat ANYTHING they find, no matter how foul smelling, dry, gooey, or slimy... but if that litter box isn't pristine, they're pissing on the floor and crapping in the potted plants.

<HEAVY SARCASM>
Gee I sure love cats.
</HEAVY SARCASM>

Now, I swear the little one (Alexis) eats and drinks for the SOLE purpose of expelling that stuff in the litter box. Knowing that when she uses it, shortly afterward the rake goes off, she will often spend all night in and out of there. Last week I had to unplug it one night after it went off not less than 5 times in 1 hour. Of course, you can sorta hear it in the quiet of night from the bathroom (where we keep it) to the bedroom... You shoudl have seen the accumulated "stuff" in there by morning. Apparently it took her a while to register that it wasn't going to go off anymore ... she must have used it 8 or 9 more times through the night... I had to put on a glove and HELP the rake when I turned it back on, because it was SO bogged down!

Max used to do this stuff too... Actually when we first got it, he spent a lot of time watching it. Occasionally attacking the rake when it would go off... Never stopped him from USING the thing tho...

I have also noticed that on the high-usage days with the box, the water dish gets depleted awfully fast too. Somehow they haven't worked out that all they REALLY need to do is jump in and jump out to trigger it off. Probably just as well; at least this way they have to work at it.

"What are we going to do tonight, Max?"
"Same thing we do every night, Alexis... Drive Them nuts with the litter box, and thereby take over the world!"

In the Cat Chronicles, Max mentions on several occasions his fascination with the tub drain... and the things inside it. I must state here that it was once true -- he would spend HOURS (sometimes 6 or more solid) staring down that blasted drain. After a while, I guess he grew out of it or something.

Well, a few years ago he started up with the tub again... this time not so much staring down the drain as .. mopping up any standing water around the drain!

Basically, it goes something like this...

Max: (Key: Thoughts *actions/noises* )
Ah! He's in the bathroom, sitting on that thing again! I'll have to go in and investigate!
*shoulder-checks the door WIDE open and stomps into bathroom*
...This is where I slam the door shut again... I AM trying to have a private moment with the toilet after all...
*coo's at me*
Well, let's see if I can make it past him and make sure that tub is OK!
*darts past me as I reach out to harass him a bit*
*squeezes by and hops into tub*
Hmm, yup there's water by the drain again!
*waddles over to investigate*
*sniffs around drain*
My my my.. this is a possible slipping hazard. I better do something about it before someone gets hurt!
*begins lapping up the water...*
*lick lick lick lick lick lick lick lick lick lick*
Crap, all the water's gone... but wait! what about that faucet thingy....
*starts slurping at the faucet like a bloody hamster at the water thingy*
This is where I stealthily reach over and quickly crank the cold water on for a short burst....
*JUMPS back* AHHH! What the HELL?! Oh it stopped...
*Creeps back to the drain to investigate*
OOoooOOOoo MORE WATER! Must.. get.. it... all..
*slurp slurp slurp*

From here, I can literally keep him busy for hours simply by doing a burst of fresh water every 5 or 10 minutes ... he'll lick it all dry, and then all you have to do is "just add water" and voila! Perpetual cat entertainment ... for the cat.. I must admit it gets old fast as a human watching the activity...

Then again, if I know he's in there licking up the tub, at least I can be sure he's not dumpster-diving into a garbage can or shredding a roll of toilet paper somewhere else..

And they say I'm Obsessive Compulsive!

I woke up this morning and I'm pretty sure I have a cold. *sniff* yup, it's a cold. What a sucky turn of events! *What about allergies?* No.. not allergies -- I live with those every day of the year -- I can tell the difference by now. Nope, it's a cold.

Now, when my darling wife has a cold, she sniffles and snorts and puffs and blows away... sneezing on the cats, etc... And the kitties snuggle up to her (one or the other, sometimes, as I understand it, in shifts). They seem to have a 6th sense that someone is sick and they'll cuddle with them... or so the theory goes...

So I'm quietly listening to Titanium Radio and typing this Blog... sniffling and blowing away (even the DayQuil barely make a dent)... and where are the damn cats?!

Nowhere to be found, thats where. *investigating...*

Ah I see. Earlier I cought a blur out of the corner of my eye as *something* streaked past the door to the room... It seemed like a kind of fuzzy blur. What produces fuzzy blurring? Cats chasing other cats down the hall, that's what!

Remember Pinky and the Brain from the other day? They're at it again... Looking all innocent at me when I wander into the living room -- and see Max in the cat tree looking all serene, and Alexis, paused in mid-groom-lick on the floor below... Both just stare in my direction, just slightly over my right shoulder in that supremely creepy way that cats always do that...

So after checking to my right and behind me, I wander over to Max. As I reach to pick him up, he starts in with the moaning.. Bloody cat. So I turn to pick up Alexis instead. She bolts. WHAT THE HELL?

When I get sick, these cats just stay the hell away from me! Do you call that fair? I come home from work, and Holly is home sick, and she goes on and on about how sweet the cats were and how they were her shadow all day... I usually just glare at them. I know the truth. They just like to mess with my head.

It's like with the looking-over-the-shoulder thing... I'm sure that stems from them THINKING they saw somethign over there.. paint chip on the wall or something, and yet.. when you get two cats, SEPERATELY and simultaneously doing it to you.. you can't help but wonder...

Max: Lets screw with his head
Alexis: Ok, boss sounds like fun!
Max: Ok when i twitch my whisker 3 times, we both stare over his right shoulder...
Alexis: Ok.. wait.. HIS right or OUR right?
Max: What? HIS right!
Alexis: Ok. Ready
Max: *twitchtwitchtwitch*
Max: DUDE! You're not LOOKING! *looks away quickly*
Alexis: Uh.. but you didn't do 3 yet!
Max: What are you talking about?
Alexis: Well, you did 1, 4, 2...
Max: Dumbass! *swipe**hiss*
Alexis: What?? *swipe**bolt*
Max: *sigh*
Max: *stares over my right shoulder just for kicks, by himself*

Retardation my ass.

First, allow me to introduce you to my cats. The Cat Chronicles was written back when we first got Max (we got him at 8 weeks), who is now about 7 years old. Just to avoid confusion....

That's Alexis on the left, and the cow-print one is Max. Yes, he's about twice as big as her. Alexis is just over a year old. And she knows how cute she is... I mean.. look at this...

As I write this at home alone on my day off, I look around and see no sign of them. How can that be? They spend so much time at night racing around, battlign each other, yelling battle-cries and generally carrying on - ricocheting off furniture, walls, closet doors (loud!), cupboards, baseboards, tool boxes, computer parts, monitors, dishes (yeah, they get on the tables too), the clatter of remote controls, the crash of a lamp.... and softly, the dignified hokking up of a hairball... or was that puke?

Seems a nightly occurrance.. i realize everyone says "cats are nocturnal" but SHEESH! I mean.. I do my best to keep em tired before I go to bed.. and yeah, it works for a little while -- they lay on the bed and act all cute -- except the small one. She burrows under the bed and plays with god-knows-what under there..

*fidget fidget*
*crinkle*
*silence*
*crinkle?*
*silence*
....
*silence*
*fidget...*
(wait for it....)
*silence*
*silence*
*CRINKLE!!*
"ALEXIS!!! GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!" (whispered loudly by myself)
*silence*
...
*silence*
*rustle*
(Ah, she's found something NEW -- she KNOWS that we can't reach that far under there to get her... so if she stays under, she's safe...)
...and on it goes.

Of course, sone nights she doesn't bother -- instead Alexis and Max will just go at it in the hallway ...

*soft fuzzy thudding*
*hiss*
*HISS* (thats the big one apparently)
*soft fuzzy thud*
*meOWrrarrrrrr* (big one again)
*hissing slowly fading away as they progress back out toward the living room*
*silence* ... wait for it....
...
*fuzzy BANG* .. and someone ricochets off the wall again...
*meeooowwwrrr hiiissssssssssss*
*Raarrrrwrrrrrarrrrrrrrawwww SSsssssssssssssss*
"Don't make me come out there!!!!"
*silence*

Yes, they have a grand ol' time at night. Ya think you could get them to get off their sorry asses during the day? Hell no! Just a buncha furry slugs...

I imagine them, snoozing near each other (never together.. that wouldn't be proper apparently) ....

Alexis: What are going to do tonight, Max?
Max: The same thing we do every night, dumbass... Try to take over the ... apartment... i think...

Sounds like Pinky and the Brain (The link may assist in familiarizing yourself with the concept if you don't know it yet).... Click here and listen to this very short clip if nothing else....

When we first got Max, I seriously wondered if he was maybe mentally.. less than average... you know? He took 6 damn months to learn what his tail was for (he spent that time falling off of things mostly). Even at a couple years old, he'd repeatedly run full tilt, and head-first into glass and screen doors, over and over sometimes in the same evening. I mean, I can understand once, because their close vision sucks, but every 5 minutes? Come on, that's some serious retardation there.... Well, all of the stuff in the Cat Chronicles is true (the actions anyhow), and you gotta admit... that's pretty screwed up...

Well, Max eventually got smarter.. or maybe it's that he eventually stopped doing so MANY stupid things ... (I will have to write about "Grace" one of these days). Then we got Alexis....

OK -- If Max WAS that deficient mentally, then Alexis would have to be severely brain dead. And since she's not (turns out she's just incredibly willful and disobediant instead), I must concede that Max (eventually) got pretty smart. Allow me to show you what I mean:

Alexis: *wanders over to coffee table and looks up at it hungrily*
Max: *cough*I wouldn't*cough*do that if*cough*I were you*cough*
Alexis: Huh? *jumps up on table*
Max: Oh nothing *snicker*
Alexis: *plays with stuff on table*
Alexis: *knocks something off, makes a noise*
Human: "ALEXIS! BAD GIRL!"
Max: *snicker*
Alexis: Ooohhhhh SHIT!
Alexis: *Bolts*
Max: *Follows the action from very safe distance*
Human: *catches Alexis and begins to admonish*
Alexis: *cowers*
Max: You know.. I TOLD her not to... but...
Alexis: *glares at Max* Bastard!
Max: *grins and winks at Alexis*

The above occurs at least once a day, if not more.. I swear maybe he's even egging her on ... suggesting stuff to do. I dunno, but the fact is, he's always nearby, and always watching her get into stuff... and seems to greatly enjoy watching her get in trouble.

Not having had any siblings myself, I don't know all the ins and outs of such a dynamic.. but it IS how I imagine siblings would behave as cats...

Don't get me wrong... these two antagonize each other constantly, and then you turn around and they're licking each others' ears or something...

That is the status quo around here... of course, like with most females, all bets are off when Alexis is in heat... but that's a story for perhaps another day ... =)